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Well, it appears that Teddy and I�donapos;t have a meeting scheduled.� The day that would work for him, no longer works for me.� I�am not going to bend over backwards to accommodate him.� If a meeting happens, it happens.� As the days pass, things get clearer and clearer for me.

My husband has been unbelievably amazing through this all, it truly warms my heart and brings a tear to my eye (okay okay, more than one) to know that I�have been blessed with his love.

Sadly, this whole thing does kinda put me back in my original position, friendless and lonely, spending exorbitant amounts of time alone.� *sighs*�maybe I need to get a second job *laughs*� It would kill two birds with one stone....I wouldnapos;t have so much free time on my hands and Iapos;d be making extra money.� Too bad, I�just donapos;t have the desire to work that much.

Oh well, such is life.

K

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Iapos;m so happy right now. I got to sleep with my baby last night which was so so nice. Now Iapos;m really craving wings and to watch the rest of the Bourne series. I donapos;t want to go back to school tomorrow, but thatapos;s alright because I have to. Especially because I have to deliver a speech. Yuck. Iapos;ve been dreading this for almost a month now. I keep looking around my room, not because I have nothing to write about, but because Iapos;m so fascinated with everything right now. I want to decorate my trashcan, but Jimmy thinks itapos;s a stupid idea. He also thinks Iapos;m going to put his face on it. Which is so not true. But I did think about it. Whatever. Iapos;d put like a bunch of different patterns. Itapos;d be so cute. I have to go to the bathrroooom But I want to keep typing. AW MAN I donapos;t know what to do. I keep finding hair bristles in my sheets. Ha. Ha. Ha... Itapos;s 3:04. Oh, and my favorite smile ever:



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Gym session was cancelled last minute morning, all because of me� Boohoo ): Stupid _____.

I went back to sleep right after msg-ing bitch to cancel th session.
�I slept till 1pm love sleepinggggggggg


I created another blog, to keep all my very personal posts �ranting in particular. I decided to make my lj a very happy blog

Ate strawberry yoghurt (LOVE�IT) on an empty stomach and I think Iapos;m gg to have stomachache soon. Shitty bammmmmmmmmmmmmzxzx

idk why am I posting sucha useless post. HAHAHA Maybe Iapos;m too bored. Think I shld faster get back into doing OP slides and my manga

Bye ppleeeeeeee

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So, since Iapos;m actually visiting LJ so often to visit Valo Daily I figured I should actually use this site for personal purpose, ramblings about my day, rants, thoughts, and so on. XD


Iapos;m tired, I keep waking up at around 7-8am, itapos;s bothering me to no end So it seems like my body insists I must wake up at that time; no matter how much little sleep I got. I got to bed at 5am or there abouts last night. Yesterday Charlie randomly decided we should go out for dinner... Well, not so randomly, we were texting back and forth, then it got onto the subject of food and apparently we were both pretty damn hungry with shag all at our homes, so yeah... We went out for dinner at this dinky little place called Tara Tandoori. They serve yummy Indian food. <3 We were the only ones there... With the pretty romantic candleness, he said it was like going on a date... So I said "itapos;s a date" and we introduced ourselves to each other like we had never met before. XD It was actually a bit of a funny sight, the guy who served us looked at Charlie funnily, probably because of all his tattoos that were perfectly displayed to the public and the waiter was dressed traditionally. XD We had a really, really good talk. I can honestly say I have never admired someoneapos;s opinions and thoughts so much. We talked about things I donapos;t normally enjoy talking about, such as writers, religion and so on, everything he said made so much sense, I felt oddly wiser when we left. I could have sat there and just listened to him for hours. Heapos;s a deep thinker, a really deep thinker, a thinker-thinker... I personally think too much myself, so itapos;s always nice to be around someone who seems to be the same way.

Poor Charles didnapos;t feel the best for a little while after we left, he had some kind of blazing hot dish, that he seemed to like... But his tummy said otherwise. XD I decided it would be best if he came back to my place, since itapos;s nearer than his and I didnapos;t want him vomiting behind the wheel of his car or something gross on his way back home. So we were back home at... I dunno, I think it was at about 11pm, I canapos;t remember. He was still feeling poorly so I got him some water and he made all these loud-manly-gross burps, but I didnapos;t care. XD�<3 He can make burping sound cute.

I had to hide him at home...�XD since my mom isnapos;t the fondest of him. So I let him sleep in my room since there is a key for it, so she wouldnapos;t walk in and be all "wtf gtfo" itapos;s okay for tonight since I know my mom has to leave early to do some errands for my dad. So yeah, I woke up and found him all out on the floor beside me... Which sort of frightened me, I was hoping he hadnapos;t choked on his vomit and passed out on his way to the bathroom, so I prodded him with my foot... Not to wake him, just to make him stir a bit so I knew he was okay. XD Lovely, arenapos;t I?

Itapos;s 3-4 hours since Iapos;ve been up... Heapos;s still asleep, but Iapos;m checking on him periodically, hopefully heapos;s feeling better today. ):


Anyway Charlie is coming with me to London. :D We are going to the London MCM expo thingy, only because I want to see the Gaia related going ons there.�XD Then we are going to do some touristy shinannigans, still pondering on staying 1 or 2 nights, I want to stay for two, but I am not sure whether or not my pocket will be pleased with my attempt in doing so.�

---

IreallyreallyreallymissspeakingtoSarah. The last time I spoke about it to someone I ended up bawling. ._.;

Anyway, thatapos;s enough rambling, I could imagine this all vanishing because my Firefox crashed. XD;



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It is Sukkot, the harvest festival, a festival of all the good that has come, a time to celebrate the new year. It is a time to pray for rain.

Before today, all I knew was that Sukkot is the harvest festival and sort of shanty temples, called sukkah, are erected on campus. I never saw a sukkah in Los Angeles, but there is one in the Cowell courtyard. Last night I slept there for an hour. I donapos;t sleep much. Tonight, unable to sleep and generally upset, I went up to sleep in the sukkah.

Our sukkah has a palm frond roof and white tarps for sides. It is hung with crepe paper and shiny plastic Stars-of-David. Lying there, I thought about the cave and the sea, the Torah stories we talked about in class. I looked up at the moon and the stars and tried to imagine being there with other people. The sukkah reminds us of the forty years spent wandering the desert (Exodus and pieces of Numbers and Deuteronomy), and thatapos;s a lot to imagine; I wonapos;t pretend I was close, but it felt good to try. And for the first time in far too long I felt, through and through, good.

But now Iapos;m back in my room at three oapos;clock in the morning, annoyed because I have been kicked out of the sukkah. I feel pretentious, but I really believe in this, in collective memory, in reliving the old stories. Yes, it sounds... Crazy. Even I know how crazy it sounds. Still, I donapos;t like having to leave. I donapos;t like being back in this horrible place; the sukkah is supposed to be a place to pray, to be with others, and yes, to sleep. If people are being told to leave the sukkah every night, isnapos;t this an indication that we should be allowed to stay? That enough of us want to--and in this country, the way you wish to worship is supposedly guaranteed. Only not so much. Iapos;m so miserable now. I donapos;t like being here in this place with these people I canapos;t trust. The only one of my housemates I half trusted hasnapos;t spoken to me since I came out to her. Itapos;s only been a week, so I cannot say how related those two things are; nevertheless. I thought of the sukkah as a sort of haven, even just for now. I know Gd is everywhere, in everything, as much as in the sukkah, but... I donapos;t know.

Being Jewish is not so much about Gd sometimes. Sometimes itapos;s more about everyone else. The sukkah wonapos;t be up more than a few days more, and itapos;s not worth fighting over, but I hate having it taken away. I hate being made to feel like I was doing something wrong just because I was doing something different, especially something that is not so different. I have to consider what Rabbi Fern said this afternoon:

"Any time someone tells you youapos;re being too something, you have to consider that what theyapos;re saying is youapos;re being too Jewish."

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